YOU ARE THE LOVER QUEEN

OVERVIEW

 

The Lover Queen carries herself with dignity and places a high value on honor. As a Lover Queen, who you choose to share your sexuality with very much depends on whether their values align with yours, whether or not you respect who they are in the world, and if you feel cherished by them. You sure do love chivalry in all its forms. Disrespect, indifference, and failure to uphold your values are absolute deal breakers. You embody and strive for empowerment as a woman and as a sexual being. Much of that empowerment has been hard won. The challenge for you is two fold. Lover Queens out of balance will either criticize and push love away because nothing is ever quite good enough, or they will over extend themselves, making up for what a partner lacks in empowerment with their own personal power, emotional maturity, even money.

 

GIFTS OF THE LOVER QUEEN

Your gifts as a lover are poise, generosity, elegance, mutual empowerment, and a sexuality that both offers and thrives on the kind of honor that makes both you and your lover step into the extraordinary.

CHALLENGES OF THE LOVER QUEEN

There are three core challenges to this archetype of lover:

You can overgive to the point of extreme depletion and imbalance.  You have realized and embodied much of your own dignity, prosperity (financial or otherwise), and abundance.  You will often want to share this generosity, this abundance, with your lover.  It's natural.  But many Lover Queens find themselves in the strange and unhappy situation of partnering with a lover in a more parental, caretaking role, than in a relationship of mutual respect and empowerment.  Many a Queen has had to reckon with significant deficits in the balance of a sexual relationship, particularly financially, but energetically, emotionally, and logistically as well.  Be cautious of your unconscious need to be needed, and your tendency to mother your lovers, rather than to allow them to step into their own empowerment and self-responsibility.

You can be far more unconsciously entitled than you realize.  The true dignity of a Queen is natural and needs no pampering.  The embodiment of the Queen archetype in its highest form is an embodiment of fullness, generosity, and wisdom.  She is power incarnate, no validation necessary.  Yes you will have non-negotiables, most of them related to being treated with respect and dignity, but remember.....it's the princess who must be special, who must be adored and pampered.  She hasn't yet claimed her power fully, and realized that generosity of spirit is the mature expression of true nobility.  Invite, don't demand.  Sit in your own fullness and dignity and from that place invite what you would like to receive.  Demanding it, even if your lover actually wants to give you what you want, will almost always push it further away, creating resentment rather than true reciprocity and the kind of sweet, true intimacy you can trust.

 You can be intimidating.  And you might actually love that about yourself.  Empowerment is hard won, and self-advocacy is nothing you should ever abandon.  And yet.....the deep feminine heart yearns for softening, for surrender, for the kind of protection around your vulnerabilities that a noble lover can provide. If you let them.  There is more than a chance that  your radiance, your competence, your abundance of being, your personal dignity is all actually a little or a lot intimidating to some lovers.  It's possible they'll feel intimidated and realize they don't actually have what it takes to meet you, and in that case - remember challenge #1 and don't become their caregiver, or try to escort them into their own power.  AND, if you find a lover who is inspired and turned on, and ready for a truly empowered, noble kind of loving, please consider softening into them.  They will be flawed, just like you.  They will need to grow, just like you.  The biggest challenge you may face is the challenge to actually soften and surrender to noble love when it arrives, instead of remaining in the upright, sometimes hardened and protected/shielded stance that many Queens have had to assume in order to survive.  

KEYS TO THRIVING AS A LOVER QUEEN

Three essential keys to thriving as this archetype of lover, and cultivating sexual intimacies that are emotionally safe, satisfying, and honoring for you are:

BALANCE YOUR GENEROSITY WITH DISCERNMENT.   You can make things happen, and you are likely living a life that is financially, emotionally, and/or spiritually reflecting your commitment to excellence, prosperity, integrity and generosity.  Your impulse to serve others, to uphold the courage and the greater potential of others, and to give of the gifts you've been given is a trustworthy impulse.  Queens love to serve and cherish their realms.  HOWEVER...in a sexually intimate relationship, you must maintain balance, and resist the impulse to caretake, to simply luxuriate in your capacity to give.  Your relationship to your lover must remain balanced, must remain reciprocal, or it will create deficits in you that can take years to repair.  True generosity will come from the heart, but in order to be true and healthy for you it needs to be balanced with the discernment that arises from deeper inside of you.  Notice what it feels like when you are reaching too far towards a lover, taking on too much, or beginning to deplete the reservoir of essential abundance that must always remain full in you, and for you only.

FOCUS ON APPRECIATION FIRST AND ALWAYS.  You have a gift for praise, and because of your natural dignity and integrity, it really means something to your lover to be praised by you.  I know you want a lover to rise up with you and sometimes you might feel frustrated (and just a little entitled) when things aren't quite the way you want them, but the best way to invite that to happen is to praise, honestly and authentically, to speak your gratitudes for things big and small, and to lift up your lover in your eyes and their own.  Set yourself the challenge of really noticing all that your lover gives and does for you, and then speaking to it.  Notice how often you are frustrated or dissatisfied and consider shifting your own tone.  Shifts are far more likely to happen if you let your lover know for instance, that you LOVE it when they turn toward you with their full attention, it's such a turn on, rather than letting them know that it really doesn't work for you when they're checked out and you need them to show up, now, and in just the right way.  Remember, you amazing, noble thing - invitation and inspiration evoke the best in others, but demands and criticism can crush their secret tender places and shut them down.

 

   

BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR VALUES AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE SHARED BY YOUR LOVER BEFORE YOU GET INTIMATE.   Lovers are often inspired by you, how you live, how you hold yourself, how you hold your values.  They may be so inspired that they say all the right things, and mean them, because yes, truly they want to be the most noble, badass version of themselves and you challenge them to rise up.  But the kind of integrity, courage of heart, and emotional maturity that your being needs in order to thrive is not sentimental.  It takes time and life experience and commitment to become a person of depth, maturity, and personal power.  So keep your eyes open - your ears might hear all the right words, but you need to see action that is in alignment with those words before you go anywhere near deep sexual intimacy.  Once you've entered sexual intimacy you will be viscerally and emotionally bonded in ways that will make it far more difficult to maintain clarity and really see whether or not this lover is what they say they are, or appear to be.  They need to embody and act according to the values they profess, not just be able to make claims and gestures toward them.  

TO ACCESS THE INFORMATION ON ALL SIX ARCHETYPES:

There are six archetypes represented in this quiz, and all of us touch into many, if not all of them.  I created the course "Sacred Needs and Your Sexual Archetypes" to take this topic deeper and to take women into all six archetypes.  It is available for FREE and exclusively with a pre-order of my first book, which is all about clearing past lovers.  See below for more information!

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  • What are the gifts, challenges, and keys to thriving for all six archetypes?

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  • How can you communicate those needs to a partner?

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