The Sex Talk
This is a response to many threads, concerns, and questions in the private facebook group for Her Mystery School. For obvious reasons, female sexuality, orgasm, right and wrong, safety and sexual ethics are way up. Seemed relevant, and perhaps it will be clarifying for any of you who may join us next fall.
The general question is what is my background, how do I, and how does the school then, hold sexuality?
I've had experiences all across the board. Transmutation, restoration of virginity, ecstatic sexual union, spirit lovers, calling down the rains for Beltane with my king, touching the angelic realms with a guardian priest lover, cultivating my sexual energy for nourishment, cycling it, having orgasms, not having orgasms, unifying my heart and womb, discovering the nectar of amrita orgasms, the holiness of cervical orgasms, creating and birthing a baby, using all of that sexual energy to nourish my heart and raise him, feed him, and rise up in love through the teenage years. I've created this school, a water temple, a goddess temple and most of my offerings through the current of life and sexuality that has been so strong in me from the beginning. I dance it, I pray with the longing of it, sometimes it goes quiet, at times the longing has been agony, it opens, it closes. I am a priestess of the sacred marriage by nature and as such sexuality and union have been woven with my experience of the divine from the beginning of my awakenings.
What I'm picking up on is a wonderment about where I sit with sexuality, and an even deeper wonderment or even concern about the right way to be with the female sexual current. It's clear I'm sure to most of you that although I acknowledge Her presence and beauty living somewhere in most things, I am not in alignment with practices that insist upon, or place an absolute value upon, celibacy, retention, or transmutation of sexual or orgasmic energy into something "higher." There's no question that cultivation practices and transmutation are powerful and very appropriate for some of us at some times, or even as a lifestyle. That has to do with constitution and the nature of each of our souls and bodies, not some generalized concept of what should be happening with sexuality, what is higher, what is denser, what is best. Nor am I in alignment with the emphasis on recklessly expressive or "free" sexuality that has arisen as the pendulum swings away from discipline and discernment around sexuality.
You're going to be drawn to many different things, each of you, and now that the doors have opened wide in the global world to connection with a wide spectrum of traditions, esoteric practices, and disparate long term beliefs about sexuality, you will be able to find most things, most perspectives strongly represented.
What you are going to get woven through the entirety of your experience of this school are a few fundamental understandings.
1. No one outside of you knows what you should do with your sexuality, how you should hold her. She is a mystery and she rises from the ancient place before time that created life and sustains love and union.
2. Woman in general and the female sexual current and the power that it carries through women has been so vilified, controlled, feared, and misunderstood, for so long, that most traditions, even esoteric ones, even ancient ones, have gaps in their wholeness. Be very cautious about traditions that source from a root that excluded women, or the broader female experience, even if they now include women. Not because men are bad or there is no wisdom there. It just isn't complete. And if you look towards breaks in integrity that come in those traditions they almost invariably center around sexuality and the misuse of sexual charisma or power. These breaks in integrity in such traditions, which I have been part of and witness to for two decades now, are very confusing and can be deeply damaging.
3. You can't really fuck this one up. It's an exploration. Partly because it always is an exploration, partly because we are in a long term process of recovery and redemption that orphaned us from the true and natural holiness of female sexuality (and male sexuality for that matter), the gift of pleasure, the arts of union. If you are going to look outside of yourself for practices, inspiration, ideas, or guidance, please please please keep your eyes wide open for hypocrisy or very subtle power plays that make you feel like you can't trust your natural unfoldment. This is all here for YOU. Not the other way around.
4. Your sexual current is your own and you and only you can cultivate enough intimacy with her to know how she will unfold. Trust her. Listen to her. Follow her and tend her. Learn from her directly. With all practices including the ones in this school, pay attention to the fruits of the practice in you. Are you gathering greater trust and intimacy with yourself and with the One who made and sustains you?
5. If you're concerned about energetic/psychic safety and integrity, just stay with the fundamental vow: I steward this power for the good of all and in harm to none. It's not direct relationship to your sexuality that will bring you the integrity to keep that vow. It's self-knowledge, poise, deep listening, purification of your heart, and wisdom. The sexual current is a force, a nectar, and a substance. The vessel you carry her in will shape her expression and her integrity.
6. If "should" is in your inner conversation with your sexuality in any way, take a pause. There is no external right or wrong here. There is natural law and I believe strongly that if you listen deeply to your sexual current, your capacity for receptivity, marry your sexual power to your heart and your loving, she will not lead you astray.
7. There is nothing evil or dense or inherently untrustworthy in female sexuality, orgasm, or sex. She is beautiful, she is untamed, she is also very very wise. She will bring you to the heart of the matter.....power and vulnerability woven into one thing. This is where I strongly personally diverge from quite a few esoteric and traditional teachings. There is the transcendent face of the Mystery, which can be accessed through inner union, restoration of virginity, conscious celibacy. There is the immanent face of the Mystery which is touched when you touch another, when you pour forth your pleasure in the touch of another, when you receive love deeply into your body and let it take you to your secret places. Both are holy in Her.
8. Female sexuality is a current that shapes and moves and is life. We have been conditioned to focus on orgasm and explicit sexuality as the expressions of her, but she is so much more than that. It is a disservice and a misunderstanding to put her in such a tiny box. She is one of the currents that our destiny rides, and she holds an essence that expresses life, feeling, creation, desire, wholeness, all of it.
These are my thoughts this morning and it's the tip of the iceberg. I love that there is such alive discussion and exploration on the page. This is the richness of sisterhood and safe expression. It's amazing to witness. AND when it comes to your own sexuality, I invite you to consider something. When does talking about it, writing about it, thinking about it become an avoidance of simply listening to her, trusting how she is unfolding in you, and gathering your own wisdom? I encourage you to stay as close as you can to the art of revelation, allowing her to emerge and illuminate you, to change and grow as she will. Treat her like a mystery of the soul rather than a force to be tamed and "made right" and she will be so.